Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Your dad touched me again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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