its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
