States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
