WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
