And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
