hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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