you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
They have beer where we have blood.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
