Just fell off a train. Bad.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
