i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
