oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
