Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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