I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
