are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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