i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
