NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
