I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
