The maid of honor just puked.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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