i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
