I must be too annoying 4 u.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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