u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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