Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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