I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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