Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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