I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
