I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
a search helicopter?!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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