I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
