i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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