do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
