plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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