I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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