you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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