No stitches, just platelets and will power
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
