I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
