so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
