So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
