drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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