I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
