Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We need a shit load of segways right now
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
