She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
