I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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