Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
