He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
