this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
