I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
