As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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