we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
