A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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