Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
