I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
