Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
