what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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