My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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