I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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