Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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