she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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