I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
