So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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